I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
