he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
