I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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