drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize