I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
