I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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