I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
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