Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
