I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
