you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
