did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Randomize
