I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
