I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
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I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
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Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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