when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
