I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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