Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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