Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
