I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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