i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
