When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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