i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
