I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
