How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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