Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
