Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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