from now on my penis is your penis
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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