i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
