the condom got lost in my hair
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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