it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
