Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
