she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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