Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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