so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Randomize
