i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
is that a dick in a sweater?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
