You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
