How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
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Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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