is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
