DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
