the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
