dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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