Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
