u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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