drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
