If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
