Define "chronic" masturbator.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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