can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
