you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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