You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
