You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
