Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I think a kid would responsible me up
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
