toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Randomize
