guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
