she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
