6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
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Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
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Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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