a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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