We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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