I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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