So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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