so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
