the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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