How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
